I’ve been working on nailing down an honest story about Heads Up Seven Up.
Here’s one try:
Seven Up Strategy Guide
Don’t wear swishy pants. There is a ninety percent chance this will happen on a Friday. Don’t wear swishy pants on any Friday. Be prepared. Take off your jacket. Be light. Walk slowly around the outside of the room, not tip-toeing, but leading each step with the balls of your feet like a duck does. You’re a quiet duck. But quick. You’re a quick quiet duck. Don’t let someone get to him or her first. You want to be silent and slow and fast all at the same time and this can’t really be explained but think of it like your heart in your chest. Try your best to get in behind Her or Him. From the front, She or He might peek your shoes when you are close. You might darken the light, cast a shadow over His or Her down head. Many approach from the front and try the lean, but are not tall enough, and they’re clumsy so they fall into the person they love and ruin the game.
Don’t ruin the game.
So please, approach from behind. Reach out over His or Her head and do not, do not, look at the back of Her or His neck, or down the crack of His or Her butt in the chair. Just put their thumb down as easily as you can.
But here’s the trick! Use your thumb. Stick your thumb out and gently press their’s down. Trust this. This is the technique. No one else will be using their thumb.
Get back to the front before the teacher finishes the countdown. It doesn’t matter where you stand. What matters is that you close your eyes and wait. Don’t even give the chosen seven a chance to see your eyes. Stand at the board like you are before a firing squad and keep your eyes closed tight. This will send a message to all of them. Each one will choose you. It has to be you, you’re closing your fucking eyes. It’s so obvious. Plus each person that chooses you, each wrong person, means you are more likely the one. When She or He gets you, go back to your seat quietly. Put your head down, stick your thumb up, and wait for a thumb to feel yours.
This is the secret. No one will know.
No one will know your secret. Except for the teacher, who will keep it.
Just sit and wait, and trust that He or She will touch you back, just like you touched them. Then you’ll know. Then you can breathe, and from here on out you can wear any pair of pants you like.